🔗 Share this article Balancing my Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Seeking a Meaningful Relationship As a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved many, mostly pleasurable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship that lasted four years, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I begin seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men again. Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous gay men have non-monogamous arrangements, but from my observations, they appear demanding, often resulting in significant heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire a partner to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost. Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle different types of intimate connections as fixed. What you need in your current state may well change in the future; eventually you might become less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. One day you might meet a person who provides a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring what you want completely … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment with your partners, and recognize the worth of each person you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with a single person, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American therapy professional focusing on addressing intimacy issues.