🔗 Share this article These Words shared by My Parent Which Rescued Us during my time as a Brand-New Father "I believe I was simply just surviving for a year." One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad. But the actual experience quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured. Serious health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as caring for their infant son Leo. "I was doing every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan shared. After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone. The direct phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You require assistance. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing. His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable discussing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads encounter. Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a broader failure to open up between men, who continue to internalise negative notions of what it means to be a man. Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time." "It is not a display of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds. Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're struggling. They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the household. Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to take a respite - going on a few days overseas, away from the home environment, to see things clearly. He realised he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby. When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words. 'Parenting yourself That insight has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad. He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures. Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices. The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four. During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond. Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish. "You turn to things that are harmful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse." Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported. Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that made you feel like you before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games. Look after the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is faring. Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling. Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your household. When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years. As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional support he missed out on. When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations constructively. Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their pain, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons. "I'm better… processing things and managing things," states Stephen. "I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my role is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."
"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year." One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad. But the actual experience quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured. Serious health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as caring for their infant son Leo. "I was doing every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan shared. After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone. The direct phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You require assistance. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing. His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable discussing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads encounter. Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a broader failure to open up between men, who continue to internalise negative notions of what it means to be a man. Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time." "It is not a display of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds. Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're struggling. They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the household. Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to take a respite - going on a few days overseas, away from the home environment, to see things clearly. He realised he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby. When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words. 'Parenting yourself That insight has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad. He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures. Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices. The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four. During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond. Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish. "You turn to things that are harmful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse." Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported. Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that made you feel like you before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games. Look after the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is faring. Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling. Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your household. When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years. As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional support he missed out on. When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations constructively. Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their pain, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons. "I'm better… processing things and managing things," states Stephen. "I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my role is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."